I didn't miss you one bit on your 20 month hiatus. You've never been my favorite aunt. And when you show up heavier than ever and with a goody basket full of cramps, bloating, acne, moodiness and the munchies I would love to kick your a@@ to the curb.
The only way we will be able to speak again is if you promise to be sweet and not over stay your welcome (3 days tops). I will NOT be looking forward to your monthly visits again. Be gone, and don't the door hit ya in the a@@ on the way out!
Sincerely, your niece B ( we won't mention the meanings that letter could be interpreted at today)
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